I heard it through the grapevine

Your Thought For The Day:

My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.

Salutations, fellow commoners. I trust the new day brings you the super-sized cup of glad tidings... diet, of course.

Have you ever wondered what would happen if ninjas had their own post office and a disgruntled worker chose to take out his frustrations with management and the world in general?

I can picture the broadcast on CNN as the helicopter view shows police swat teams swarming the facility in Honshu Province. The talking-head would tell us that Kymazu Honimaki was reportedly despondent during the mandatory three-hour morning prayer vigil, refusing to jibber-jabber with the rest of his peers or receive the sacramental incense. At approximately 11:47 a.m., Mr. Honimaki donned his ceremonial black gi along with his co-workers and began his job of cancelling arriving mail, but without his customary 'crouching-dragon' flair and accompanying side-kicks.

"Not single time within next hour, did most honorable Honimaki bow to ancestors," said shift supervisor Hirimatsu Shazai through her appointed interpreter, "velly selious!"

Providently, the situation ended without further incident when Honimaki promised to raid an enemy village without pay and forfeit the two bowls of rice he'd accrued in his retirement and profit-sharing account. Police forced open his locker and found only the customary cache of razor-sharp throwing stars, numchucks and black satin ceremonial garb, so no arrests are expected. Are you paying attention, Secretary Gates?

Gotta go... I'm still hungry and it's almost time to go to work. Those little mushrooms I found out back are tasty, maybe I'll eat a few more of the little beauties...