Dear Station Manager,
I’ve just about had it with your local weather coverage. I turn on the Channel 46 News at 5, and for the first 17 minutes (including commercials) I get wonderful, beaming smiles and perfect hairdos on news anchors who banter back and forth amidst features that stress the hominess of our CBS affiliate… some nights I'm so touched by the ‘Our Kids Care’ feature that I break down and cry in my TV dinner. I just can't get enough of those anchors!
But then, when it's time for the weather with Channel 46 meteorologist Stormy Darke, it's a one-way ticket to Slug City. It's all weather, weather, weather and zero personality. Most African-American men that get on TV have wonderful smiles, but not Stormy.
Everyone else besides Stormy gets along like one big happy family. But that weatherman sticks out like a third boob! Teri in the local news chair always asks Dan, her co-anchor, about his new daughter, Megan. Actually, it's a shame they don't have more time in their busy lives to catch up on each other's personal lives while off-camera, but I know how busy they are. (Teri is a caring mother of two, dealing with the issues of a working single mother who also enjoys the outdoors and community choral concerts mixed in with an active social life.) Rod Single (I suspect that’s a stage name, but I guess that’s to be expected), the sports anchor, also seems very concerned with his fellow newscasters, and often teases Dan—good-naturedly, of course—when Dan's favorite teams lose, which is 87.55% of the time over the last 8 years.
But when Rod is through with sports, and he turns to Stormy Darke, Channel 46 meteorologist, with a chipper, "Did ya get some sun today, you’re looking a little burnt?" Stormy never even answers him. He just launches into his weather forecast, and I don’t think it has anything to do with the fact that he’s an African-American man. We never find out what Stormy does with his day! He rarely even comments to Rod about the sports events he just announced, and he speaks with that creepy voice that doesn't sharply rise and fall or pause dramatically. It sounds just like you or me talking, and you know, Stormy’s smile just doesn't seem as wide or as bright as the others. He really should try a whitening toothpaste and just a dab of Vaseline on the front teeth… they could be so pretty, being as large as they are.
I called the Channel 46 "We Care Line" (46-WE-CARE) to give some feedback on the weather portion of the show, such as my recommendations about the toothpaste and some bright geometric patterned ties like the other anchors wear, but no one ever called me back. If they truly cared what I think, like the ad for the "We Care Line" says they all do, they would have called.
Even the Channel 46 song says how much my CBS affiliate cares about me: "Channel 46 is there for you, Channel 46 cares—the news is you!" It's very reassuring to know that my news station isn't some faceless company that's just after advertising dollars. Channel 46 really cares about the community! You can tell by watching Thursday's “Special Neighbors” features.
While everyone else at Channel 46 is working hard saving animals from the pound and lauding elderly rubber band collectors and videotaping retarded people playing softball, Stormy is just talking about rising barometers and high-level clouds. Where's the human kindness in that? Where are the viewer snapshots of county fair animal husbandry projects and zucchini-growing contests? I don’t want to think it’s just because he’s an African-American man.
That weatherman makes me downright nervous. All the other news segment displays have cursive lettering in calming pastel colors, but the weather has harsh, plain typeset. Network weathermen like Al Roker and Willard Scott always wish people a happy birthday, but do you think Stormy Darke would ever do the same for me? Fat chance!
I hope I don’t have to do it, I really don't want to, but if things don’t change pretty damn quickly, I may switch over to Channel 67's weather report. Clarence Spinks may not have the latest Accu-Weather Doppler radar technology at his fingertips like Stormy does, but at least he knows what a smile is!
And before you go thinking it’s just because he’s an African-American man, that has nothing whatsoever to do with it, even if he doesn’t care to make the most of his physical attributes. I have almost as many African-American friends as I have Caucasian friends, it’s just that most of them don’t spend much time at local Republican caucuses, where I spend most of my time. Go Elephants! (That’s a little joke. I’d actually vote for an African-American Republican, just so long as he didn’t have an arab name like Barack Obama—but he’d have to take a little better care of his teeth.)
Respectfully (and having nothing to do with the fact that he's African-American),
Clara Withers
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