Friday, February 02, 2007

How Could I Have Missed This??

I’ve decided to start a new business. I keep hearing the radio ads for home-based businesses and how people make ten, twenty, even thirty thousand dollars a month (or more) working just a few hours a day, and how Ron J. Mercer will send me his fabulous book and DVD… for nothing!

Yea… nothing! Starting to understand the genius behind this yet?

The man has obviously unlocked the secret to the universe—how to make money by giving stuff away! It’s brilliant! Of course, it will destroy the capitalist system within a few years, but, hey, what the hell. Need a loaf of bread, a jug of milk and maybe a small jar of chunky peanut butter, preferably not Skippy, but you’ll eat it if that’s all you can get? Give Ron a call and he’ll send ‘em to you! In a week or so, we’ll no longer need grocery stores.

When I think about how stupid I’ve been the last forty years… selling myself into white slavery for a myriad of ungrateful wretches willing to scrawl some very small numbers on a payroll check every other week, when, in reality, all I had to do was give Ron a call.

I’m so ashamed…

But, I think I’m going to ease into it. I don’t want to cause any problems down at the bank when all those checks start rolling in, so I think I’ll still keep a job of some sort, something to provide a temporary buffer between wealth and poverty. For just ten dollars (cash only, please), I will come over to your house and sit on your bed—for five golden minutes!

Oh, by the way, please don’t tell anyone about this, I wouldn’t want to flood the market before the American economy has the opportunity to adjust. Let’s just consider it our little secret.


Karen said...

Bob, surely you jest...No one takes cash these days, it's just too much trouble to count when it's so much easier to run a piece of plastic through a slot!

Now, just tell me which type of credit card you accept and I'll gladly pay for my five minutes...or, is it your five minutes?


Bubba said...

I suppose the very recognition of whose five minutes it is would lie at the crux of the entire matter. It is my opinion that it would, indeed, be your five minutes, otherwise, I would have cheated you out of your money. You get the pleasure of watching me sit there, while I enjoy the relaxation, but for me it is merely a perk of the job. (I hope your bed is not too soft, I wouldn't want to suffer from a sore butt upon getting back up.)

Geez... filthy rich and rested at the end of the day... not too shabby!