In the past week, I have learned much I never knew. In the spirit of disclosure, I have decided to share my new education, and do my penance for once being a proponent of the Constitution.
1. While I have long recognized John Elway as Jesus I was unaware that Don Imus (obscure as he is) is actually God. Yes, with two words most people would have never heard but for the efforts of the National Association of Black Journalists and their beautifully packaged and orchestrated campaign, Don Imus forever changed the entire lives of the women of the Rutgers basketball team. Now, this is power and this is Almighty!!! To me, it is deliciously divine (just not in the religious sense).
2. Being raised in the bosom of Catholicism, I am woefully out of touch with what Reverends now preach: "It is human to err, but it is divine to blame." I say bravo... and I blame all of those Reverends whose pulpit is the camera and photo opportunity; with a special shout-out to the preacher now speaking on behalf of the Rutgers women who has pointed out that an insult can be forgiven but an injury must be compensated.
3. Words, contrary to the old 'sticks and stones' rhyme, can cause great injury, and thus are the proper weapon of choice for WAR (and all this time I thought it was planes, tanks, bombs, etc). Forget the loss of those arms and legs, or those brain injuries, or the blindness... it is the hurt feelings that truly damage our lives. (Of course I have long thought that Al Queda and Bin Laden would surrender if we would only play rap music over loud-speakers 24/7 and broadcast rap videos each and every night in the skies over Baghdad...talk about brutality).
4. As it turns out, "free speech" is not a constitutional issue, it is an advertising issue. Those courageous corporations who decided to pull their sponsorships clearly had only our best interests in mind. They realize we can no longer think for ourselves, and, as good citizens, have recognized their responsibility to make our choices for us. I say Bravo! I am just lazy enough to do no thinking of my own.
5. I am now similarly dissuaded from my incorrect opinion that giant media corporations are ruled by the bottom line. Turns out they are ruled by their "employees" (who now, not only get a pay check, but dictate corporate policy) and by those professional malcontents who can rally their troops most effectively.
6. It is no longer a requirement to be possessed of fact or good information before speaking. We can jettison the American "work ethic" that has gotten us so far, and replace it with the new creed, irresponsibility. It's about time, don't you think? It's so much more fun just to sit back and let some group determine absolutely everything for us. It's what we're entitled to, don't you know?
7. Similarly, we no longer have to take a joke but now have to ascribe perfect seriousness and weight to even the most mundane moment. I am certain the police who patrol our dangerous streets will be much happier to be sent to apprehend comedian criminals than pursue traditionally violent criminals. (Although I do worry that they might get their feelings hurt and suffer life-changing injury.)
8. We no longer have to make any entertainment choice, or resort to that old-fashioned methodology and change the channel, all we have to do is scream "I am offended" to the right party. In keeping with such change, I have now put Al and Jessie, and the NABJ on my speed dial. I suggest you do the same.
9. I am thrilled to recognize the return of the "double-standard" and "reverse discrimination." (How did we ever do without them for so long?)
10. Most importantly, I am happy to be indoctrinated with the new politically-correct manifesto that 'shock jocks' may not shock us and that equal-opportunity offenders can now enjoy no opportunity whatsoever. It is clear to me that we will all be much better off if we burn the books, shut down free speech, turn off our brains and make certain that we are all united by fighting the wrong fight. We will no longer need to know or suffer any difference between reality and perception. I admit it-- I'm worried, folks. I never thought I would find myself standing up for a man who was rude, crude, and truly mean-spirited. But I find myself unwilling to turn a blind eye as he is punished by the powers-that-be, because I am certain this is only the beginning of the end for those of us who do not mind our mouths as they might dictate.
As my own personal protest, I pledge to all of you to attempt to become as completely offensive as humanly possible. I am certain you all realize by now how incredibly easy this will be for me.
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2 comments:
The problem with Imus, as I see it, is that he left his "shock jock" role long ago. Now he wants to have it both ways. You can do standup or be a shock jock (the first I consider a noble profession; the second I consider just under fake president of the U.S.) and get away with anything, or you can be a news or news feature reporter/interviewer. Not both.
In no way do I consider what Imus does to be in any way noble, except for his philanthropic work with disadvantaged children. My concern is for our future ability to express our first and second amendment liberties, regardless of whether they can be considered to be 'in bad taste'. The marketplace controls every decision affecting the 'public airways', even NPR as we're coming to find out, and I personally resent it. I think it only encourages the Neocons and small thinkers of the world who would much rather 'protect us from ourselves' by allowing them to tell us what's right and wrong.
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