Festivus, Quimbus and Other Latin Nonsense

Since today is the 384th anniversary of our holiday called Thanksgiving (although we didn’t celebrate it on the third Thursday of November every year until F.D.R. made it official), it made me think about holidays in general. In contemporary America, it would appear that all our holidays are becoming mere opportunities to market our bounty of crap more often than they’re observed in the manner originally intended.

Of course, this made me think of alternatives. The first concept that sprung to mind was Festivus, that wonderful holiday observed only by George Costanza’s family, with a few notable guests including Cosmo Kramer. Seinfeld blazed new ground in its satire of Christmas, due in part, I think, to the Jewish heritage of Seinfeld himself and most of the writers, including the genius of Larry David. Who can forget the aluminum pole erected in the living room to replace the Christmas tree on December 23rd, and the wonderful Festivus traditions of ‘The Airing of Grievances’, the opportunity for all to vent their hostilities, and after dinner, ‘The Feats of Strength’ are observed. Festivus is over when the head of household is wrestled to the floor and pinned. Then, at the very end, the celebratory rendition of the traditional slogan, “A Festivus for the rest of us!”

Someone please get me a hankie, I think I’m tearing up.

My father hated all holidays because of their commercial aspects. He invented a holiday called “Quimbus”, that we celebrated on the third Sunday of July. He hung a dead Christmas tree (left over from the previous December) upside down from the rafters of our garage, and required each of us to pay him for the privilege of witnessing it. He invited all our relatives and friends and the adults spent the day drinking heavily and bitching about rich people, taxes and the government in general. It was called “Quimbus” because once, at a Yuletide gathering, he tried to actually say “Christmas” and “Quimbus” emerged. Mom never let him forget it, God rest her soul.

Happy Day, Turkeys! Relax and enjoy your day, hopefully with family and/or friends. You could do worse… trust me.