As most of you already know, I'm an aspiring screenplay writer. While it's true that I couldn't find a home for "Gunther Spooge" or "Nighttime for Giardia" or "Ass-Crack Lament", I have high hopes for "Park Bench", the psychological drama featuring the relationship between several unique and aging layers of enamel and latex paint forced to deal with their feelings of hopelessness as they endure the weathering and cold of the Midwest winter. The premise relies on the audience's ability to project their own emotions upon inanimate objects while aging causes the layers to chip and peel, revealing the underlayer's desire to once again re-live a life of exposure to the elements.
I think the draft could use a good punch-up, particularly with DuPont 4653 Off-White Satin Latex, who is still having problems getting the other layers to relate to her, and the second act falls a little flat when Benjamin Moore Aliphatic Urethane Gloss #CM74-00 becomes hopelessly infatuated with the physically and emotionally inaccessible black Shop-Kote metal primer. If I can raise the stakes to a white-hot blaze with the smoldering sexual tension created by the intimacy of their polyacrylic bonding, I think my little masterpiece will be bound for Broadway!
If not, I guess I'll just have to keep on sniffing glue until something else comes along.