Good morning (The Warning)

Good morning, babies… I trust your slumber rewarded the expenditure of time you devoted. I shall only, in passing, mention that most of us spend a full 33% of our time on earth in a semi-comatose state, although admittedly the percentage could go as high as 40 or as low as 24, if only sleep is considered. It’s the other roughly 66% (give or take) that I should like to address at some length this morning, the hours when most of us expect something of value to be produced as reward for our labors, hopefully in a ratio concomitant with our efforts.

Now, I fully realize that the pressures of adulthood in a republic such as ours can produce egocentric trauma for the most stalwart among us, and it would not be out of the question for me to turn a blind eye to occasional non-productive dalliances from anyone honestly giving his or her best efforts at self-support. However (and this is a BIG however), if I catch you trying to get your groove on with a child, I shall be forced to hunt you down and eliminate you like the monster that you are because you are the enemy of all humanity. You do damage in ways that your feeble little brain could never understand, ruining tender lives before they ever have the opportunity to make the same adult choices you enjoy, sick bastard that you are.

I am sick to death of hearing the stories about you and your escapades. So if you’re one of the closet scumbags who make children his prey, beware. Someone will root you out from under the compost heap where you ‘live’, and make you pay. I can’t imagine that you could ever enjoy your 33% if you have any conscience whatsoever, but know that when you lay your head on that rock you call a pillow, someone is trying to find you. Then, every time you log on to that special website to troll for kiddies, remember that CutesyBigEyes69, that 12-year-old girl you’re communicating with, just may be your worst nightmare. Load up your truck with toys and let’s meet, shall we? I’ll see to it that you get a little more education. You've made it abundantly clear that you don't intend to stop... so don't get on my radar or I promise that you'll have a very bad day.

Well, I see that the sun is coming up, so I guess it's probably time for you to say nightey-night. Sleep well, perv, because we're coming for you.