For reasons that shall remain undivulged (he said, realizing full well that undivulged isn’t really a word, but exhibiting absolutely no remorse in its use), I’m feeling semi-stuporous. I have a bad case of the whiffles, a malurine malady capable of bringing on hopperburn if not immediately treated with a dapple of scopolamine in the ol’ sealskin bedsock. That ought to keep the wrigglers ventose until they dry up enough to excise. With any luck at all, I won’t be required to consider corybantiasm. It’s a last resort, I assure you.
So what, pray tell, does any of this have to do with anything? Nothing, perhaps; I only mention it as a lead-in to my real reason for writing. You see, ladies and gentlemen, this morning I witnessed a non-event worthy of comment (that I firmly believe, but cannot prove beyond a scientific doubt, brought on the accursed whiffles mentioned earlier).
An older woman, who was late for services at St. Bubba the Least Catholic Church, encountered a homeless man sitting on a bench as she bustled up the steps. Hearing church bells start to chime, she inquired of him, "Oh my God, is Mass out?"
"No", he replied, a grin escaping from his lips, "but your hat's a little cocked to one side."
So what, pray tell, does any of this have to do with anything? Nothing, perhaps; I only mention it as a lead-in to my real reason for writing. You see, ladies and gentlemen, this morning I witnessed a non-event worthy of comment (that I firmly believe, but cannot prove beyond a scientific doubt, brought on the accursed whiffles mentioned earlier).
An older woman, who was late for services at St. Bubba the Least Catholic Church, encountered a homeless man sitting on a bench as she bustled up the steps. Hearing church bells start to chime, she inquired of him, "Oh my God, is Mass out?"
"No", he replied, a grin escaping from his lips, "but your hat's a little cocked to one side."
(Insert rimshot here)
And that, ladies and germs, concludes the entertainment portion of the program. Please make sure your seats are upright and don’t forget to remove any carry-on luggage from the overhead storage bins. Thank you for coming and I hope to see you all again real soon!
10 comments:
Dang, you are bored today!
HA!
And then some! What did you do with Bob and how much will it cost us to get him back?
Does that mean what I think it does? Around here we say, "Is Kennywood (local amusement park) open?"
Karen-- You don't know the half of it...
Shirley-- Bob's just fine... and he'll stay that way if the $20 in unmarked bills is delivered on time.
Jo-- Huh?
Well was mass out
and did they get it back in?
klk
...my attention is on her soul...what happened to her spirit (did it rise or fall on fashion?) and will she go to heaven...and Bob would you be so kind as to include a dictionary with a post like this...in the future I mean...your erudition is frightening and almost as excruciating as her last visit to a milliner... :)
Twenty dollars...OMG. I'll really miss him. Take good care of him.
When I see comments like these, I smile and recall a memory from my boyhood, turning around and catching my mother (who was standing behind me as I finished telling one of my stories to an adult friend of hers) gesturing wildly while mouthing the words 'Don't ask him any questions, you'll only encourage him!'
You can consider me encouraged. *snort*
They really need to let you out more....really.
Katchfish, I think they'd like to, actually, I'm sure it's difficult getting anyone to work on my ward... but I think they're forced by legal precedent and a written plea from the governor to keep my public exposure to a minimum. You understand, just looking out for the welfare of an unsuspecting public.
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