The Thought For The Day:
Fighting for peace is sorta like humping for chastity; the difference being, of course, the body count at the end.
There's something about a boat ride that just sorta calms me down. I just wish some of my enthusiasm would rub off on the Missus.
Fighting for peace is sorta like humping for chastity; the difference being, of course, the body count at the end.
There's something about a boat ride that just sorta calms me down. I just wish some of my enthusiasm would rub off on the Missus.
Well, it's that time of year again. The calm before the storm. The last few moments of sanity before we all get together and see how many of us we can kill on the highways. No lecture this year about designated drivers, I'll just say it's been nice knowing you and I hope your family has good insurance.
Speaking of sanity, or the lack thereof, the Randolph County Chamber of Commerce, in their never-ending quest to alienate everyone on the planet, has published their list of luminaries who have distinguished themselves in one way or another throughout the year. I'm not exactly sure who votes on such things, but the list always seems to find its way onto newsprint so it must be important.
So as not to spoil the suspense, I'll give you some of the less important first. It was, by all indications, a fine year for entering contests. There were over 5,000 entries in the seventeen categories being judged. I'm not sure what this says about our county, but if I were to speculate, it might not be pretty:
Tastiest Turnips- Martha Clevinger was the only entrant here, but I'm told the mission kitchen personnel raved about the quality of her fine tuberous donations. Diners declined comment.
Fungus Most Closely Resembling The Figure Of Christ- This distinctive honor was taken home by Akhmed Mohubandi, the only known Muslim residing in Randolph County. Rumor has it that several councilmen tried to have his entry disqualified, accusing Mr. Mohubandi of using a mold. Once again, irony reigns supreme.
Most Believable Alien Abduction Story- This trophy is being retired this year. Wanda and Terrance Harpy registered only 116 accounts this year, down from last year's whopping 282. It's a shame, too. It was comforting, somehow, to think somebody was interested in us...
Topping the list this year, Miss Rotund of Randolph County was Mayor Krapping's daughter, Imelda. The buxom 41-year-old beauty is a four-time winner, reclaiming her crown after having been nosed out last year by Earl Diggs' mobile home.
I could go on and on, but some of the others are less noteworthy, and I wouldn't want to bore my readers. I know you've come to expect only the finest in literary achievement over the years, and I'd never usurp that trust. I've even learned to use Spell-Check, although I must say, upon occasion I disagree with its opinions.
As years go, this one has been memorable, even if the memories were, for the most part, associated with pain and loss. We don't get to pick what happens. We do get to choose how we adjust to it. That makes all the difference, in my opinion. I wish you well.
Speaking of sanity, or the lack thereof, the Randolph County Chamber of Commerce, in their never-ending quest to alienate everyone on the planet, has published their list of luminaries who have distinguished themselves in one way or another throughout the year. I'm not exactly sure who votes on such things, but the list always seems to find its way onto newsprint so it must be important.
So as not to spoil the suspense, I'll give you some of the less important first. It was, by all indications, a fine year for entering contests. There were over 5,000 entries in the seventeen categories being judged. I'm not sure what this says about our county, but if I were to speculate, it might not be pretty:
Tastiest Turnips- Martha Clevinger was the only entrant here, but I'm told the mission kitchen personnel raved about the quality of her fine tuberous donations. Diners declined comment.
Fungus Most Closely Resembling The Figure Of Christ- This distinctive honor was taken home by Akhmed Mohubandi, the only known Muslim residing in Randolph County. Rumor has it that several councilmen tried to have his entry disqualified, accusing Mr. Mohubandi of using a mold. Once again, irony reigns supreme.
Most Believable Alien Abduction Story- This trophy is being retired this year. Wanda and Terrance Harpy registered only 116 accounts this year, down from last year's whopping 282. It's a shame, too. It was comforting, somehow, to think somebody was interested in us...
Topping the list this year, Miss Rotund of Randolph County was Mayor Krapping's daughter, Imelda. The buxom 41-year-old beauty is a four-time winner, reclaiming her crown after having been nosed out last year by Earl Diggs' mobile home.
I could go on and on, but some of the others are less noteworthy, and I wouldn't want to bore my readers. I know you've come to expect only the finest in literary achievement over the years, and I'd never usurp that trust. I've even learned to use Spell-Check, although I must say, upon occasion I disagree with its opinions.
As years go, this one has been memorable, even if the memories were, for the most part, associated with pain and loss. We don't get to pick what happens. We do get to choose how we adjust to it. That makes all the difference, in my opinion. I wish you well.
2 comments:
And to all a good night. The picture is the winner of husband of the year award and you forgot about the artist of the year and your award winning "camels" print that I'm sure will be hanging in all of the trailers come the new year. And where do I get some of those turnips???? a fan...
I in reality loved this remarkable article. Humour maintain this awesome work. Regards, Duyq.
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