Oh, Blasphemous Tuesday

I wish I’d written the Bible… then, I’d be famous instead of a bunch of long-dead prophets and such. I could have done it, too. I’m pretty good at pointing out other folks’ weaknesses, transgressions, sins, shortcomings, foibles and the like… and I get a big kick out of using pronouns such as thy, thou and thee. Honestly, I think that in a former life, I just may have been Bill Shakespeare, except I’m sure I wouldn’t have written the play about the dude who’s getting it on with his mama. That’s a little freaky, wouldst thou not agree?

As far as that goes, I think old Bill would have been a pretty fair Bible author in his own right. He seemed to have a pretty clear-cut idea about right and wrong and he sure had a way of dealing with royalty. He’d have straightened ol’ Pilate out before he had a chance to do his dirty work. He’d have merely pointed out that "They say best men are moulded out of faults." That would have sent Pilate scurrying to a merchant in Venice or Rome or Judea or wherever he was at the time…

"Words are easy, like the wind; Faithful friends are hard to find." Makes sense, and the editors at the Bible publishing house would have loved it, but poor Bill wasn’t much of a poet… he didn’t even make his phrases rhyme. Why didn’t he say something like “Eat a watermelon rind; Faithful friends are hard to find.” Now that’s poetry… I just wish I’d been there to help the poor guy.


Old King Lear was a jolly old quee— wait, that ain’t right… that wasn’t Shakespeare, was it? Anyway, you get the point. He used all that flowery language just like they did in the Bible, while at the same time making sense...sorta. He could even written some dialogue for Jesus or maybe even God:

"I do love nothing in the world so well as you: is not that strange?"

"The hand that made you fair hath made you good."

"Blessed are the peacemakers on earth."

Yea… that works for me. William, my man, thou art cool.