Saturday, February 23, 2008

Advanced Studies







Some of you may be interested to know that I’ve decided to go back to college. I’m entering a graduate studies program at Knucklehead State, majoring in postmenopausal debauchery.

By the time I receive my PhD, I hope to find myself in a unique position within the senior community, a counselor capable of assessing and treating some of the more misunderstood problems of senior citizens.

I’ve already enrolled in my first course:




Psychology 511 Sexual Assessment and Evaluation (6 hours) – Broken down into two successive teaching blocks, detailing male and female perspectives in determination of hormonal and/or attitudinal assessment.

Female— Examines in depth, the questions “Is it really hot in here or am I merely flashing?”, “The bastard is boinking my best friend!”, “Why don’t I feel sexy anymore?”, “My hussy neighbor is nothing but a tramp!”, “Why does he insist on playing with himself?”, “If he passes out while having an orgasm, should I call the doctor?” and “Fellatio—Teeth In or Out?”

Male—Topics for discussion: "Once A Month Is Not Plenty, Thank You Very Much", Advanced Methods for Keeping Your Balls Inside Your Shorts, "How Much Crotch Scratching Should Be Tolerated?", Strategies For Boinking The Tramp Next Door, "Why Does She Bitch When I Play With Myself", "Of Course I'm Going To Play Golf Today, Why Do You Ask?" and "I’m Sorry, But She Just Isn’t Sexy Anymore."


Hopefully, this will help prepare me for the more advanced courses in Bacchanalia, orgiastic party planning, drunken revelry, Satyrological Behavorial Analysis and Saturnalia. One day soon, you'll be able to say, 'I knew him when'. Stay tuned...

By the way, in reference to the picture, is that a Gibson on that guy's Johnson?

10 comments:

Shirley said...

You are definitely one of a kind! I hope you graduate with honors...is it hot in here? Oh, never mind. I'll ask you when you've graduated!

paisley said...

and about that picture... for someone with such a fine looking tale,,, thats a sad excuse for a "johnson" hes got on display.... gibson or no gibson.....

Jo Janoski said...

Yeah, I wouldn't go out of my way to shake that Johnson...err, what were we talking about...

karen said...

Bob, when it comes time for your dissertation, I'd love to read it!

; )

Anonymous said...

Woohoo, sign me up, can i skip the intro courses, i have an advanced degree in 'yes dear' already. the advanced courses will require little preparation,

Anonymous said...

That was so hilarious!

Your writing always sticks out of the ordinary.

Dan said...

I can hear the rumblings at Shady Manor Retirement Home. "Gertrude, toss away the shuffleboard and bingo cards. Hot damn, Bob Church is coming to speak!"

Bubba said...

shirley-- You'll be my first pati-- er, I mean, subject.

paisley-- It's not the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean.

jo-- It's not the size of the bo-- hey, wait I already used that one... never mind. Sheesh... picky, picky, picky...

karen-- Yea, baby, where there's a bubba, there's a way... ;)

gingatao-- Well, bring a twelver and we'll do a little post-doc symposium (no Millers, please, I prefer Guinness) I'll have your 'yes, dear'-response a thing of the past in no time.

noah-- Glad you liked it! Thanks for stopping by!

Dan-- When Bubba shows up, Bubba brings Gibsons... show and tell will only start the evening. Ha!

Thanks, everyone... I'll try to calm down a little.

amuirin said...

I donno. I thought it was a Tiffany lamp with the shade upside down. But that didn't seem to make very much sense.

How much ball scratching *should* one tolerate?

I'd love to hear the equation behind the answer.

Bubba said...

amuirin-- Well, I'd love to tell you, but until after I take the course work it would be pure, unsupported speculation, and therefore of no use to the scientific community. However, since I wouldn't want one of my dear readers to worry unnecessarily about a subject I'm researching, I'll give you a clue: Think in terms of 'lots and lots'.