This morning I was specifically sought out (through e-mail) by the Handbag Test Panel, an altruistic group of intrepid consumer advocates interested only in insuring that the general public-at-large carries only the finest creations by Burberry, Dooney & Bourke (forgive me if I swoon), and the inimitable Kate Spade (Kate Spade… would that be little Katie Spade, Sam Spade’s daughter, the cute little blonde girl who captured America’s heart with her enthusiastic, if slightly out of tune, rendition of Over The Rainbow at the Founder’s Day Pageant in May of 1944?) *SIGH*Apparently, all I had to do was supply them with a little background information (for demographic marketing purposes only, of course, and none of the data would ever be passed along to others), including a full financial sheet not unlike the one I filled out when purchasing my last home and a love offering of only $24.95 (to cover shipping and handling), and I would be the proud recipient of my choice of one of their fabulous creations. Be still my foolish heart…
Alas, it can never be. My wife’s arm/shoulder shall not be adorned with the sleek leather/composition magnificence of one of their designers’ priceless creations, because this sort of promotion is prohibited by law in my state. Oh, the humanity…
But life goes on… this, too, shall pass… “Light, seeking light, doth light of light beguile” (or so The Bard of Avon would have us believe… Love’s Labor’s Lost, Act 1, scene 1, 72-79… check it out).
No, it’s going to take some time to get over this one. Perhaps a little ‘golf therapy’ might help, accompanied by several hours spent at The Nineteenth Hole in search of solace and multiple pints of Guinness Stout…
23 comments:
But they were so convincing...maybe I shouldn't have...never mind. It's a thing of beauty and I'm not returning it no matter what.
everything was going along really well till paragraph three... when i found out the handbag was for your wife!!!! if i'd have known it wasn't for you to being with i'd a......
I can cut the sarcasm with a knife.
Good work!
Yes that is kind of spiritual devastation that only Guiness can cure. Ahh that smooth black nectar, if only it wasn't 7.30 am, oh well, breakfast of champions,
Noah-- Sarcasm... sarcasm...
Nope, don't recognize it... heehee. Thanks! (I think)
Gingatao-- Ah, yes... well, cheers, mate... here's to the health of your elbows, and I hope you're ambidextrous!
How sad and totaly
not fair, you got robbed.
THere should be a law.
Oh wait.....
Actually, it was your wife who put the ixnay on this, right? You wanted to wear that bag, didn't you?
Hey Jo, he confessed to me secretly that it didn't match with his heels, otherwise he'd of grabbed it!
Shirley, Aha! I thought so!
Kaylee-- You're welcome here anytime, Sweetie... you're not like some people...
Jo and Shirley-- That's okay... yuck it up... cast your aspersions... you'll be sorry someday...
*sniff*
*sniff*
Shirley, are you scared? I'm not...
Aw...don't cry Bob. You can never have too many pairs of heels. Just get a pair that match and go for it!
light seeking light doth light of light beguile...
that line just sounds cool. I'm not sure I understand it, maybe in context.
You learn more from your junk mail than I ever learned in a semester of lit.
Lot of ladies in this bar, perhaps we should take a (hic) sixpack down to the river? Do you think one of them might pack us some sandwiches?
To a woman, a fine handbag is no less a requirement than a power-tool in a man's capable hands. During the demolition of my water-soaked room a sawzall and I shared such moments. With motor singing sweetly, reciprocating blade flashing it's prowess and testosterone coursing, unbridled through my veins....... Never mind, sorry to hear about your misfortune concerning the bag.
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Cathline made room for me, and I was soon made to feel welcome as ahand I think it was Johns. I help her up and to the car.
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Cathline made room for me, and I was soon made to feel welcome as ahand I think it was Johns. I help her up and to the car.
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