Writing On The Edge (or) Buy This Book Or I’ll Kill This Dog

It is not lost on me that I should probably be the last person on earth giving voice to a writing text. If I understand the premise correctly, it is recommended that a writer should have actually sold at least one book before offering advice to others regarding techniques designed to accomplish exactly that purpose. Okay, suppose I comply with that recommendation... what would you be reading right now? I rest my case.

Any writing text worthy of its proverbial salt will invariably discuss techniques designed (usually by the author) to accomplish two purposes, one being slightly more praiseworthy than the other, depending on point of view. Arbitrarily, I would suggest that the first and preeminent purpose of writing the text is to sell copies of the work. After all, isn’t that the goal, at least for most writers? Of course it is, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong about it. This is a capitalistic society and most writers come to understand that days spent with a full belly usually outweigh the alternative, if you’ll pardon the pun. Publish or perish… the old bromide is as applicable to writers as it ever was to college professors. Unless a writer is laboring in the midst of a hunger strike or some other severe sociopathic disorder requiring self-deprivation at its focal point, he or she is likely to feel the desire to eat on a daily basis and as anyone who’s ever walked into a grocery store understands, food is no longer inexpensive.

The second, and from the consumer’s perspective more important, purpose of a writing text is to teach. To one extent or another, we’re all teachers. Very few among us are so socially introverted that we don’t enjoy passing along little tidbits of wisdom to our friends from time to time. Writers are teachers, pure and simple. If they weren’t, there’d be absolutely no reason to write. And don’t give me that hooey about “writing for oneself”, either. I imagine there are many, many writers in our society who have volumes of manuscripts that no one has seen. Perhaps these works are not of a quality that makes them attractive to an agent or publisher, or maybe the writer hasn’t perfected the marketing skills to properly bring his product to market; but not one writer in ten thousand truly writes for his or her own pleasure, exclusively. So, when you invest your hard-earned cash in a how-to book, you have every right to expect that the author have the ability to help you improve your writing. This is the very definition of purpose.

Also, in this text, I won’t try to teach you any grammar. Since the days of Strunk & White, everyone and his brother has written scholarly tomes revealing the secrets of parts of speech and punctuation. I will take a giant leap of faith and assume that you’re intelligent and, therefore, adequately prepared to move forward. If you’ve read this far and feel that your abilities to construct a cogent sentence are suspect, perhaps you should return to the bookstore and purchase The Elements of Style before proceeding.

Neither will I attempt to train you to adapt to the rigors of non-fiction. Frankly, I’m not qualified. I consider it too confining and limiting. Writing is supposed to be fun! Facts and figures are important in virtually every context to one extent or another, however, when one side of the brain is forced to the forefront at the price of excluding the other, I find the exercise self-defeating. Imagination and interpretation of those same facts and figures become the keys to effective fiction. We must find a way to involve our readers, to allow them to suspend disbelief for a period of time—never once realizing they’ve done it. Bring the elephant inside the house.

Since I first started writing, critique after critique chastised me for lack of focus upon the traditional. My tendency to shock or appall my audience, while often being soundly censured or condemned, created an atmosphere in which characters were free to ‘push the envelope’. My work, even among my most understanding peers, would invariably inspire commentaries such as “Whoaaaa… did someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?” and “Outer edge stuff”. Exactly! Mission accomplished! Every ounce of energy and emotion I inject into my writing starts and ends at ‘the edge’, that nearly indefinable region of inexactitude existing only in the mind. It’s a land where anything is possible if done effectively. The only boundaries are those created or involuntarily erected as a result of creative vacuum, a resultant rather than an objective.

So check your inhibitions at the door. Expect the unexpected. When you leave, you may see, therefore evaluate, the most mundane experiences of your life in a different manner. Welcome to the Fun House.

Important Stuff (In No Important Order, Of Course)

Ж. Lily Pads or Off-Shore Structure?
Ψ. Don’t Be Afraid To Play The Fool
Ђ. Creating Tension
Σ. Learning To Flow
Θ. The Cool Side Of The Pillow
Λ. Writing Outside The Box
Φ. Oh, You’re So Bad!
Ξ. Morality And Karma
Ω. What A Character He Is
Δ. Hyperbole, My Six-Hundred Pound Ass!
Β. Well, They Had It Coming! (**Poking fun at society)
Π. Stop The Whinin’ (**Writer’s Block)
Ъ. Pacemakers-R-Us

***Starting tomorrow, I'll give you some of the chapters. Oh, joy! Be still my foolish heart...