Monday, March 03, 2008

"Oh, I need somebody to plug..."

As some of you have probably, by now, come to realize, I’m a dedicated word-whore. I love the damn things so much that I’ll give them away to any Tom, Dick or Sherry in public, at noon, in the town square—with or without protection—no matter who is watching (or reading, as it may be).

“Hey, Bub, I’ll give you a fiver for a non-fiction-quickie…”

“Save your money, sailor, it’s no good with me… come over here behind the dumpster and unzip your journal.”

While it’s true that my words probably aren’t as pretty as Emily Dickinson’s or as shapely as James Michener’s, they usually satisfy in that special way that you can’t get just anywhere on the street, and certainly not at my price. They come from that special part of the body that lies inside the experience, they’re the motion in my ocean, that special move that makes you want to cry out and always leaves you wantin’ more. Yea, baby, who’s your daddy, now?

So, being the aficionado that I’ve become, I have also learned from my brothers and sisters-in-crime, those purveyors of prose, who (like me) tempt their johns with the sweetness of verisimilitude heightened by the profound passion born on the edge. Want to laugh while she pleasures you? No problem… just stroll by her pad and she’ll tell you all about her “feminine loins more fuck-me-Elvis humid than a friendly, thousand-island plastered grin”, Brief Es’pinachons to her weebles, and Sloppy Chicken Sex… and that's less than twenty-four hours worth of production.

Now I ask you… what could be better than that? Oh, and while you’re there, tell Amuirin that Bubba sent you and she’ll berate you in a manner that even your long-lost ex-lover could never bring into sway. Go check her out… I promise she won’t waste your time with hollow promises-- just don't expect a discount. And if you like what you see (and I don’t think that’ll be a problem), let her know about it— she may just lay a little extra sumpin’-sumpin’ on ya.


Anonymous said...

Get a room,

paisley said...

i love it when you talk dirty to me!!!

and you are ever so right about "bugbear"!!!!!!!

Shirley said...

Tell me again which end of your body they operated on. You said brain surgery...right? That explains it. :)

Anonymous said...

I love it.

You always make me chuckle.

kaylee said...

You were gone for a while
and I missed you a country
I though of my life the good
and bad.
The funny times and the sad.
The sad, not so much,
the fun quite a bunch.
At the top of the list
of the good stuff,
was your name , good enough.
thanks for the laughs
and the tears.
Here some love for
all the next years.


amuirin said...

Thank you for the plug, wow. Pretty head-swelling, and I could say the same things for you.

You're responsible for both provoking thought and chuckle-snorts, but we're gonna delay sentencing for a good long while.

hfurness said...

f-me Elvis humid... Wow, I miss it when you're not writing... The Pythons missed something by not having you as part of their troupe.

Bubba said...

Ginga-- Do I sense the presence of the dreaded green-eyed monster?

Paisley-- Ooooooh, yea...

Shirley-- Hey! I do the jokes around here!

Noah-- Thanks, dude... stop by any time.

Kay-- You're the greatest... thank you. Nice verse...

Amuirin-- thanks, kid. I'm really glad I found your site.

Ummm... Harry? That was Amuirin's quote... I'm just sayin'...

I wish I possessed the correct nationality to be a part of Python... God knows I'm old enough.

Poetman said...

she is great and you are great for noticing...and her quote was breathtaking and well, and OH well, and alls well that ends well...

Anonymous said...

No, just a certain delicacy of sensitivity,

Bubba said...

poetman-- Well said... OH, well said...

gingatao-- Oh, sure, like I'm going to be able to interpret 'delicacy of sensitivity'... my idea of sensitivity is getting slapped up side the head so many times that I develop a rash at the slap-spot. Anything much more subtle or delicate than that and I probably wouldn't even notice it.