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Sweeping Changes in Catholicism
Vatican City (API)-- In his attempts to bolster flagging attendance world-wide, Pope Benedict, the new German pontiff, has adapted Church Canon to more properly position the liturgy to a younger, hipper flock. Although unavailable for immediate comment, the Holy Father, through emissaries of the Church, made the new changes while celebrating Mass at St.Peter's Basilica in Rome. Already, quarrels have emerged from within the clergy regarding the amount and type of Heavenly Brew offered at Communion. Some factions within the Church heirarchy insist that the Brew of Christ be of German origin and served at room temperature, while others prefer it chilled to 36 degrees Fahrenheit and served in goblets purchased at the Church, immediately before Mass. As of this report, only one Holy Pretzel is sanctioned. 
13 comments:
bubba, I sense a new schism brewing. The European Holy Synod insists that the only suitable beer MUST be chosen among these
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trappist_beer
(there is room for negotiation on the matter of the Holy Pretzel)
P.S. Robert and I rolled on the floor laughing before I managed to collect myself and send you this urgent message.
Lee-- Indeed. I can hear my own priest now offering the Holy Belch of Prosperity to an unsuspecting parish... In the words of Father Robert of Dylan, "The times, they are a'changin'..."
Oh m'gosh! I love this! I may even start going to church again...
And I always Catholicism was a bit silly. Yummy, I am ready to convert.
Well, here's Another Branch of the Judeo-Christian-Brew-Ha-Ha:
http://www.shmaltz.com/
Yes, but what a pretzel it is.
Jo-- Heehee... yea, me, too!
gingatao-- Well, if you go talk to them, make sure they break out the goods before you sign anything.
Lori-- Ha! That's great... leave it to the Jews to get there before the Catholics!
Thanks, everyone... love getting your comments!
xDDDDD
36 degrees?
Noah-- Okay, I may have been the slightest bit off in my estimation of the temperature... can we agree on 37 degrees Fahrenheit? Ha!
amuirin-- Sorry, I didn't see your comment, I didn't mean to ignore you. Yes, the Holy Pretzel is pretty much the UberPretzel, the ultimate in bakery, the creme de la creme (so to speak) of unleavened finery... made only by Kosher bakers in a tiny cottage industry within the walls of the Vatican itself.
Okay, I lied about the Kosher part, I admit it. But it does make for a better story in light of Lori's revelation about Judeo-Christian-Brew...
and just in the nick of time i'd say......
read this fox news story
Paisley-- Yea, I agree. If enough Catholics spend enough time in church taking the new communion, the birth rate should go up exponentially. I know I personally plan to attend Mass four or five times a day.
Wow, I didn't know that my diet of the blood and the body was sanctioned as communion... good one.
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